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In the online dating arena there’s a reason people are increasingly turning to apps that rely on photographs and data instead of long essays about being a lover of Broadway shows and having a good sense of humor.
“Dating algorithms do exactly what they’re designed to do, which is to match two sets for data,” says Amy Webb, author of “Data, a Love Story: How I Gamed Dating to Meet My Match.
The same thing happens in our search for love, thanks to our good old pal the unconscious mind. Try to clear your mind of expectations and beliefs about what online dating is or is not before you try it.
As a dating and love coach, I hear a lot of complaints about online dating.
Single women and men alike complain about how many people they find online who lie about their age or their height or their weight or their hobbies (and/or more! Or they find that people seem singularly interested in playing the field, irresponsibly handling communication and treating online dating like a supermarket for casual hookups.
You need to direct your attention to where it does the most good: the people who are already checking you out. After all, dating is all about putting your best, most authentic self forward and we associate marketing with an attractive line of bullshit that’s intended to lure in a bunch of suckers eager to be separated from their hard-earned money.
Your messages can be awesome, but unless you have a profile that makes them stop and pay attention… So I’m about to impart to you the secret to online dating success: you need to quit thinking like a lover. Worse, when you bring “marketing” and “internet” together, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? You want as many people as possible coming to see your profile and you want to keep those people around long enough to dazzle them with your brilliance (or at least baffle them with your bullshit) and make them decide that yes, they attention, the kind you don’t want.
“In order to really match people based on more than preferences — which is to say their personalities, their observable behaviors and the like — you’d need more sophisticated machine learning, more natural language recognition, more computing power,” she says.
Location-based apps like Tinder focus on looks alone.
According to a recent survey done by Date Watchers.com, most people are starting to get comfortable with online dating.
However, some minor mistakes are still what keeps people from meeting the person they so badly deserve.
There are also, of course, the old-fashioned date complaints — that people turn out to be boring or arrogant or jaded. It felt good to bond over the trials and tribulations of what it was like to size someone up "IRL" (in real life) after the initial round of Google searches, mutual friend interrogations and innocent Facebook "stalking." For that reason, when my clients today want to list their complaints about this modern way of meeting potential mates, I nod my head and tell them they're absolutely right.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating